It's the best.

Friday, November 23, 2007

All Smell Breaks Loose

"There truly isn't and most likely never will be another experience in cinema quite like watching The Garbage Pail Kids Movie".



Ahhh, nothing like having to work at the buttcrack of dawn the day after Thanksgiving. Apparently you are supposed to ask for days off "in advance". Pffft.
Anyways, after hours of useless Internet abuse, I have found myself once again reading online reviews (seriously I can't stop), and I have somehow stumbled upon the Garbage Pail Kids movie. Yup.
First off, I don't think I've ever even seen this movie, but now I may have to join Netflix JUST for this movie. Here, in addition to the above opening quote, are some reasons why:

"Laughably bad performances abound, although even McKenzie Astin as Dodger delivers an Oscar-worthy performance in contrast to Ron MacLachlan as Juice, who delivers unequivocally the worst performance I have ever seen in a non-pornographic motion picture".


"I am not being hyperbolic in the least when I describe each and every one of these scenes as a unique spectacle in the history of cinema".


"From one of the early shots of a kid's wiggling toes that are about to be eaten by a dwarf alligator, you know your in for a weird ride".


"I really can't recommend this film enough to those of you who enjoy beautifully written, meticulously acted and stunningly visual films. The animatronics took my breath away as did the rewarding and at times challenging script. Valerie Vomit's own sub-plot is heart wrenching to say the least, as she struggles with her nauseous disposition only to overcome her weakness in the penultimate scene which was a real bittersweet moment of elation and regret. We follow these characters as they progress from prisoners to free citizens and I think this is the most satisfying of heroic transformations I have ever witnessed on film. Buy this movie".


"At least the starring role in this movie is played by a man that looks a lot like Dudley Moore".

"This movie captures everything the 80's were about! Corny clothes loser kids gang punks! "

"... there's 3 reasons to watch this film. They are:
1. When Windy farts off a man's mustache.
2. When Valerie Vomit... vomits.
3. The 'Too' asylum... as in the shameless politically incorrect prison for the too old and crippled who apparently get thrown into a giant trash compactor".


"The only guy that kept me interested was the greaser. And the only reason I liked him was because he carries a knife, was always making threats, and he was very very funny".

"This movie is very gross. This movie is horrible. The movie is a disgrace to the movie industry. It would be an insult to my dvd collection for me to keep this video. This movie is a waste of everything used to make this movie. It was also a big waste of my time. "Howard the Duck" was better than this. This movie was just flat out horrible !!!! To see this movie I am just apalled I didn't know there was a movie out there so horrible.. "


Man, apparently in the span of an hour I went from thinking that posting these reviews was hilarious to NOT hilarious. Oh well. Got nothing better to do, plus I am the only one who reads this anyway!

5 comments:

CresceNet said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Put the comment back up!

The Hound of Love said...

No hablo ingles. Sorry.

Blauth said...

man, weird - i was just talking about this movie last night. the year was 1987, and a young be-afroed rocker by the name of me was seriously into these cards. i must say that this film has made an indelible impression upon me, and was probably one of the biggest film events of my pre-adolescent life . . . along with pee wee's big adventure.
incidentally, i still have about 400 of the gpk cards in a teddy bear tin in my closet.

The Hound of Love said...

Hehehe. Teddy bear tin.