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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Iron Maiden or Judas Priest?

Uh so apparently I STARTED writing this STUPID post like almost a year ago, but then never posted it. For shame. It's funny to see how RETARDED I was less than a year ago, and then realize i've only gotten RETARDEDER since. Jubilation. Anyhow, out of boredom, I am going to finish this one, and also add that I have changed my mind for now, because I am voting Judas Priest all the way, and I apparently, love to use, commas. This will always fluctuate (the JP/IM preference, not my interest in comma, usage). Yeah so..... it went a little something like this:


There was a time in my life when this was a difficult question. But when i was asked this question last night, the answer came without any hesitation: Iron Maiden. But it's still a drag to have to make that decision. Judas Priest do have more groovy fist-pumpin' tunes, and some RIDICULOUSLY SILLY guitar solos (see: Jawbreaker on Defenders of the Faith), but Iron Maiden's guitar solos make my asshole burn. Too SWASS. Too SWASS. I listened to all the guitar solos on Number of the Beast in a row today and I almost busted a 'roid. Number of the beast (double guitar solo with interlude in between), Run to the Hills, fudgin' Hallowed be thy Name when the shit gets all fast. Even the non-existence of a proper solo in Children of the Damned (the dual lead shit followed by the twin tappin' chit) PUMPS MY SHIT UP. I think it was the guitar solos from Aces High that got me into guitar solos in the first place (and boy am i INTO guitar solos...). Luhdat. Anyways, as it is pointless to argue such things as taste, I decided to judge instead which band has KEPT IT MOST REAL in terms of LOOKING SWASS. Let the gaymes begin:

Looking pretty fucking awesome, I'd say. I guess this is circa 82-ish since they have Bruce already and Clive Burr is still around. Some key items: Adrian Smith's zebra shirt, Bruce Dickinson's face, and what I assume is a UFO shirt on Steve Harris; not to mention the perfectly gloomed sky. Butt, some 25 years or so later, they gotta go and do this to me:

Well actually, THEY didn't do anything wrong, it's all Bruce's fault. What the hell is going on with brown cargo pants and running shoes? (not to mention he is the only one who pussed out and cut his hair). Some people look cool without trying, but this looks more like TRYING TO NOT LOOK COOL. It's like the Oingo Boingo farewell concert DVD, where Danny Elfman comes out with a t-shirt on and some baggy shorts and no shoes. It looks like he's at a barbeque. This is HIS LAST SHOW EVER with Oingo Boingo, and he doesnt even put on any sweet threads. And it's fucking Halloween too! Godammit. He looks awesome in the Little Girls video, and in Back to School. Anyways, Bruce Bruce fucked it all up here. Word on the street is the manager of Maiden maidem shave off his silly Samson moustache and go buy a leather jacket. Fuckin A right?


And that is where the OG post ended, and now it is my civic duty to finish it. I assume I would have just found two pictures of JP (before and after) and then said how they also look retarded now. Let's see if I'm right about what I WOULD have done and now WILL do.

Now that's what I call progress. I will let the pictures speak for themselves. Now I am going to create a JP/IM playlist and listen to it out of one ear, because I blew a firecracker off in my ear like 6 months ago, and my ear is still fucked up. Sounds like a crackling bowl of Rice Krispies (TM) whenever things get too loud, not to mention the constant hum, and high-pitch noise when I clench my jaw. Ah, gotta love being a teenager. Or so I hear. Out of one ear.

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